It took alot to get here, it didn’t come withoutlots of tears and work. I took my 60 chip this morning, and I spoke about how I did it. It’s crazy because I am usually so scared to talk in front of anyone I didn’t know let alone a room full of people. After I spoke I sat there and thought I was dreaming because it felt so unreal. How in the heck did I just speak to a room full of people and not be scared to death, my heart wasn’t pounding as if it was about to jump out of my chest, I was sweating or fidgety. It was the most comfortable I’ve felt in a long time talking in front of all those people and about my sobriety. Two months ago I couldn’t even say the word alcoholic and here I was talking about me being an alcoholic and not worried at all. I felt that they understood me and knew exactly how I felt. How did I do it? I had to go to rehab for 6 weeks, would of stayed longer but other things took place that prevented me from being able to. After I returned home I attended meetings every day during the week. Today is my first Sunday meeting because my 60 days happenedto land on the weekend. During my short speech I asked for a sponsor, I know I can’t do this alone and need someone to guide me and to work the steps with. I got a list of names and numbers after the meeting, Iam going to start by listening to their shares and see whom I relate to. I may get a temporary sponsor until I can find one. I am going to continue to go to as many meetings as I can and continue to listen to the words hear the message. When I entered the rooms of A.A about a year ago I wouldn’t listen to anyone because I knew best that I didn’t have a problem I wasn’t like them, boy was I wrong and confused. I know my recovery is a process, but the difference this time is I am willing.
Until next time. …
Sense of Self 